How can I justify this? I committed the most terrible decision to stop your life. I could have had you. I am so sorry. I love you and hope to see your face again. How could this be? You were so tiny and I was not available to you, but I love you . Nothing good comes from fear. You made me have faith. Too many bad things , in a row broke my spirit. There are no more excuses in my heart. What I did to you was very wrong , as wrong as I could be. But I can look you in the eye, a totally innocent being and ask for your forgiveness. Love from your mommy.   

I love you. I wanted you. I’m so sorry for agreeing with the people who hurt you. I could have run away with you. I could have fought harder to keep you. You changed my life forever in the short time we were together on this planet. I pray, asking you for forgiveness. I hope I can hug you someday, love from your mommy.  

Febrero 2003 ✝️ Mayo 2003

👼🙏🏻Pero Jesús dijo: Dejad a los niños venir a mí, y no se lo impidáis; porque de los tales es el reino de los cielos (Mateo 19:14) 👼🙏🏻📿🌹✝️

🙏🏻Simpre pensamos en ti mi amor, mi angelito 👼 y esperamos el día de la resurrección donde nos reuniremos, para estar eternamente contigo, en el nombre de Jesús y con la intercepción de nuestra Madre Santicima, Amen 🙏🏻 📿

👼🙏🏻 Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” (Matthew 19:14) 🙏🏻📿

🙏🏻We always think of you my love, my little angel 👼 and we wait for the day of resurrection where we will meet, to be with you eternally, in the name of Jesus and with the interception of our Holy Mother, Amen.
     

🙏🏻👼Pero Jesús dijo: “Dejen que los niños se acerquen a mí y no se lo impidan, porque el Reino de Dios es de los que son como ellos. Les aseguro que el que no reciba el Reino de Dios como un niño, no entrará en él". Después tomó en brazos a los niños y los bendijo imponiéndoles las manos (Mateo 19:14). 🙏🏻👼

🙏🏻👼Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these (Matthew 19:14) 🙏🏻👼     

I’m so sorry little one, I was so scared, so alone and I took bad advice. I loved you, and still do. You now have two brothers and two who are in heaven with you, they chose to leave before they were born. I know you are not alone. I regret the decision and actions I took the day, you went home! I would loved to have you here with me to see the Beautiful person you would be, the family you would have. I still keep track of your age as if you were here. I can’t wait to meet you in heaven my child. I still love and miss you! ❤️ 💔 ❤️‍🩹    

Hi baby,

I just came to the realization that your dad never loved me and that is why he wanted to abort you. That and he thought his life was more important then yours and you were still a blob not a baby.

I’m sorry that he couldn’t love me and in turn love you. He was very selfish and immature. I doubt this bothers him at all. I hope when he meets his maker he gets to see you and you can judge him.

I forgave him. Not because he deserves it but because I deserve some peace.

If I had known the type of person he was, I wouldn’t have loved him either.

Sorry Matthew.
Mom

To my second grandchild, I never knew you because, out of fear, your mother chose to abort you without any of the facts about what she was doing. You would have been 18 this year. I know you have been reunited with mommy in heaven now. I miss you both every day of my life. Love, Mawmaw    

Dear Little One,

You have no idea how much I think of you. How I miss you and hate what I allowed myself to do to you. I loved you with every bit of my being, yet I allowed people to convince me that convenience was more important than my maternal rights.

I was just a teenager, but even 20 years later I know that was wrong. I could have been a good mother to you. We would have been able to be a family together. I would have done everything for you, the same way that I now do it for your brothers and sisters.

Society tried to tell me that big families are a burden, or motherhood in general. Now that you have 2 brothers and 2 sisters, I cannot express how sad I am for not giving you a chance at life and the opportunity to know the joy our home has with so much love in it. I am so sorry. No one can take away this loss. But I hope that in finally putting this in writing, we can be free and meet again someday.

Love,
Mommy 

Just wanted to reflect: 20 years ago I was pregnant with you… by the end of the month you were gone 😢. I am so sorry sweetie. I was young and naive and if I really understood and knew what I was in store for I never would have.
I wanted you to have a happy life, 2 parents and want for nothing. I was told that I couldn’t have that and it was the world against me. I’m sorry I was scared and believed them. I’m sorry I didn’t have a better home life and parents- they were crappy!
I’m sorry your dad didn’t want you and wouldn’t tell his parents. I’m sorry he never really grew up.

I wish we had had help and resources and that maybe the timing was better.
I miss you everyday. I think about you now reflecting on 20 years that I’ve lived without you. They say it was my choice but it didn’t feel that way. It felt like his choice on my body.

Miss you baby
Mom

I was 22 years old when I found out I was pregnant. It was just me, no father in the picture. My mom and my aunt both tried to convince me that abortion would be the best option, and both of them were going to help me pay for the abortion, but I stood up for my baby and decided on keeping it. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on September 20, 2013.

My second pregnancy was when I was 26. Unplanned like my first one, but things were different for me. I was a single mother raising my beautiful three year old daughter, and I was just starting to get my life rolling. Had a job, had a car, had my own apartment, and I was happy with life. My second pregnancy made me think, and the word "abortion" entered my mind. I was mad at myself for even thinking such a thing, but over the next few weeks I told myself that abortion would be the easy way out. I don't want to be "THAT GIRL" that is unmarried with two children with two different fathers. I don't want this accident to destroy my wonderful little life that I got going for me. I don't want anybody judgment me for having a second child.

I told my mom about my pregnancy, and told her I planned on having an abortion. My mom gave me the greatest of hugs and the most support possible, she never even asked if I was sure I wanted to do this. I always wonder if things would have been different if she asked.

I aborted my second baby on June 10, 2017 in Whittier, California. It wasn't until the second that my baby was being aborted when I knew that I made the wrong choice. I started crying, nearly having an anxiety attack, and the nurse just tried to calm me down by saying "just a few more minutes."

For my baby I just want to say that mom will always love you. You should be running around this apartment right now trying to take over the world, but I took that away. Your sister is 7 years old, and maybe one day I will have the courage on telling her about you. I know I will be forgiven, but not a day goes by that I don't think of what should have been. I would have made it work, but the easy way out felt like an easy choice. I am sorry,.

Hi Matthew

I just wanted to let you know I am doing ok and getting better. I got my meds sorted out and have new job responsibilities this year coming up. I’ll be teaching students your age.

I wanted you to know I think of you daily and love you forever. I made a mistake that I couldn’t fix. I let other people decide for me. I am sorry for that.

I hope you are happy with God and I can’t wait to meet you one day when I return to God too. Right now I am being strong for my family and girls. I am being strong for my job. I never meant to harm you. I hoped it was pain free and humane. I agreed to it to protect you from being hurt and from pain of maybe not having a dad. Sounds stupid but it made sense to me at the time. I wasn’t going to let anyone hurt you. As a result I did- and I work on forgiveness for myself every day.

Love you and I’m ok!
Mom    

Dearest Glory,
The sadness never goes away, but I tell our story in hopes of helping other women and men heal from their abortions.
Love,
Mom
  

Am so sorry my baby...I was not able to protect you like your mother or defend you to this world that you're a must to come into it. You know what is really so bad, is that you were going to be born on 06/09/2021...your a Virgo baby my child and it hurts me the most because Virgo baby's are awesome to be with. Please he/she forgive me baby. I love you so much...I am sorry, I said I won't do it and promised, but still did it...forgive me baby...I regret it and it can't be reversed...I will forever remember you till the end. I love you.           

My two precious girls. I miss you everyday. Sara, you were my first. I was forced into aborting you. Even at the doctors office, I told the nurse I have changed my mind. She said, “You will be better off, it is not a baby, just tissue. The doctor came in, heard me protesting my abortion. He said, “It’s too late” And I was out. I blocked much of it.

Rebecca, I am sorry my precious. This time I blocked all of what I had done. You were taken in a hospital. I also had my tubes tied so I would not ever have to make the decision to take another’s life.     

Dear Sharyah
How are you doing today?
I don't know your exact birthdate but I hope you had a great birthday last year. Mother's day is coming up, and I wish you were here with me. I never really thought of myself as a mother, but I want you to know that I love you very much. I think you're beautiful and I know you are going to do great things. I can't wait to meet you.
Love "Elle"
AKA Mum        

Dear God,
Thank you for hearing my prayer and forgiving my sin. The 4 children are part of your kingdom. I don't deserve to be called mom, and will not make excuses, as a teenager I should have sought help.
They would be 24 years old this year.
Thank you for allowing me to keep the memory of them.
It is my prayer to know them in heaven.
Thank you for their lives and for saving me.
Amen!
Sincerely, from a Jesus blood washed sinner, forgiven, now saved  

It's so hard for me to look back at what I did almost 29 years ago.
I'm sorry for taking your precious life and for not being able to watch you grow.
I was terrified especially since I was only fifteen.
I thought if my problem is gone it would never be seen.
For years I tried to hide behind all of my pain,
but instead loneliness, depression, hurt, and guilt is what I gained.
Knowing you're in heaven with God is comforting.
I ask the Lord for forgiveness and to stop the suffering.
You're probably wondering why it took me so long to write you this poem.
I knew of God but needed a relationship with him first in order to really know Him.
Thank you for helping me find my way.
Years later when we were trying to conceive I would kneel down and pray.
I wonder about your dad and pray for him occasionally.
I know he is somewhere thinking about you and grieving in his own way.
I know I can't take back what happened and a piece of my heart is torn.
You have a little brother and we pray often for the unborn.
I love you dearly with all of my heart.
A weekend retreat was truly a blessing and was just the start.
I would love to ask you if you could be a part of our family.
The depths of my soul is what only God can see.

Love,
Mom












          

You would have been 21 this year and I think about you every single day. If I could go back and make a different decision and go into hiding I would do it in a heartbeat. I had such false sense of security getting involved with and trusting the brother of my best friend from childhood. He betrayed me (us) in the worst possible way and I gave in to his constant threats. I truly believed my options were death (he would kill me) or prison (because I would have killed him - in self defense) and that I saved three lives that day, yours, your older brother's, and mine. I have always been a fighter and the one time it mattered most, I gave in to fear. It's not okay. Your brother has missed out on so much not growing up with you, I feel heartbreak every single day. I told him about you when he was a young teenager and I know he would have been your protector! I'm so sorry baby girl, I'd give anything to have you back. ~Momma loves you!       

Our heartbreak, this was not our choice nor our way. You sweet child will be in our hearts forever, you were loved and the decision to end your life brought pain and anguish to so many family members. Through faith, we know that you are secure in Christ , yet in our flesh, we struggle to deal with this. We may only be your great grandparents, but you are blood of our blood and bone of our bone and will live forever in our hearts.   

My Jami, I love you so so much and I wish more than anything I could of protected you from what was to come. I WANTED YOU, I LOVE YOU...... You were so loved my lil roo, from aunts and uncles to cousins to your brother and sister, can't forget Nana and Papa. You also have a pretty awesome great aunt that cried when you were taken. You my boy will never be forgotten. I am so so sorry that you endured this horrible thing, it's wasn't fair and you deserve so much more. You find your uncle Kaleb and you boys wait for me cause I will be there and I want to scoop you both up and never let go. I know your name is Micheal James, your were supposed to be a Jr., but gma already knew you were my Roo my lil Jami. Fly High and Free Micheal James... Gma love you so so much........      

My dearest child, I don't know how or why I know you are a girl, because I unwisely chose, under pressure, to take your life. I have always called you Grace. I have grieved you every day of my life. I never had a child. The guilt of denying you life made me feel undeserving. You deserved so much better than me. I know you are pure innocence and light. I have felt your presence. I mark your age. I cry for you. I dream about you. I fear hell, yet hope for heaven, where I can beg your forgiveness. Please know I regret my decision every day of my life. I would have gladly given my life to restore yours. Still would. You are loved. You are mourned. Please find it in your heart to forgive me. I will never forgive myself.