I carry you in my heart everyday. I am so sorry I never got to carry you in my arms.

Mi querido hijo, solo Dios y tu saben el arrepentimiento que cargo desde ese fatal día. No voy a dar excusas por entonces ser demasiado débil y creer en las palabras del mundo. No fui lo suficientemente fuerte para luchar por ti y protegerte. Siempre eres recordado y extrañado. Te arrebatamos la vida cruelmente y desde entonces estás ausente en este mundo. Perdóname hijo y perdóname señor; 🙏🏻    

Dear Baby:
As I’ve told you many times in my head, I’m sorry. You were my first conceived child, and I cut your life short out of fear. A foolish fear of what my family and friends would think since I wasn’t married. The pressure I put on myself proved unbearable, and I chose wrong. I did end up telling all my family about you-I miss you every day. The only thing I can hold on to is that you’re safe in the arms of a loving God. And I believe one day I’ll meet you. I’ve decided to never deny your existence, and I do talk about you sometimes. I have a baby box for you at home, a memorial to your short life.
I was selfish and chose myself over your life, which should never have been an option in the first place. I’ve lived with regret everyday, though I have given birth to four other children. Though they will never know their eldest sibling this side of heaven, they will know about you. Your memory will not die with me. I love you, yes I love you, and I’m sorry, baby.

In honor of my baby who I let go at 9 weeks. I'm so sorry that I didn't listen to my heart and keep you. I'm so sorry I let your father and grandmother get into my mind and think you weren't for me. I wish I had felt like I had enough. You were the best thing I've ever been blessed with. You would've been born right around my birthday March 30th. I will always love, remember, and mourn you. I had dreams about your coming and I know you were divine planning. I'm sorry and see why I've been miscarrying now. I hope you are doing okay wherever you are and can forgive me. You are in a beautiful box with flowers and gold and I planted you under my corn plant. I'm so sorry my sweet baby, but at the time I felt this was my only option. I love you and cannot wait to meet you again.      

To my precious baby,

I miss you and cry for you every day. My heart is broken and aches for you. I’m so sorry that I caved in to pressure and fear. What was I thinking? If only I could go back and keep you. I hope you are in Heaven with grandad and I will get to hold you when I get there. I love you my beautiful baby. I can only rely on the mercy and compassion of Jesus to get me through the rest of this life without you.      

Dear Jessica Rose,

Thank you for your patience and your prayers for me and all hurting Moms and Dads while I grew up and came to know and love you as my own child.

You are beautiful...and God is good.

Love you bunches,
Mom
   

Hey, baby boy, how are you up there?
It's been 7 years and it's not getting any easier. Sometimes I just cry because I miss you so much. I wish I had done things differently, I wish I were stronger. I tried to tell myself and many also told me, that I didn't have a choice but I did, didn't I? I will never know who you'd be like. You are the first and the last love of my life, Miles. There are just days when I just can't take it anymore. I will always, always, always love you and miss you. I wonder if the boy in my dream with the curly black hair and beautiful face that looked so happy running around the playground was you. I wanted to call you but I wasn't sure. When I woke, I realized, it was probably you. God finally heard my prayer, to see you in my dream, how very selfish of me to just ask for that but I am glad that I did. I miss you, I love you, forever and ever.
Your mum,
Hayley

My dear sweet baby boy, Paul. Forty-one years ago I deprived you of being the eldest son in the family and a much-needed older sibling to your brothers and sister. Something is not quite right about our family - I know why, but they don't know. I'm so sorry. I love you and I look forward to the day I can hold you in my arms and kiss your fine head. Please tell Jesus, thank you for saving my soul and acknowledging your spiritual presence in our lives. You were and are such a beautiful gift. Please pray for your dad, your brothers, your sister and your aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. Until we meet . . . may your time in heaven be filled with love, peace and joy.  

Mi bebé, ibas a nacer un 2 de junio pero un 5 de octubre nos separaron, aún no puedo perdonarme que nunca voy a verte, que nunca voy a encontrarte, nunca te veré crecer, lloro por ti cada día. Veo a tu hermano mayor y te veo a ti, el miedo sacó lo peor de mí y ya no puedo recuperarte. Nunca pienses que no te quiero, porque te amo mucho y me cuesta seguir adelante. Y recuerda: eres amado, hijo de Dios, eres importante y ya papá te tiene en sus brazos. Y algún día yo te abrazaré y te besaré. Siempre vas a estar en mi corazón  

Ibas a nacer un 2 de Junio pero te fuiste un 5 de octubre. Cada día echo de menos sentirte, imagino tus manos y cuando veo a tu hermano, Alejandro, imagino que te veo a ti también. Perdóname 😭 Eres lo más bello que Dios ha creado para mí junto con tu hermano mayor. Eres amado, hijo de Dios, eres importante y papá ya te tiene en sus brazos. Gracias y perdón por sacrificar tu vida.

To My Beautiful Baby Nevaeh,

Even though it has been over 5 years since your death, not a single day goes by that I do not think of you. I wonder what you would have looked like. I wonder what your personality would be like. I try to think when you would have been born and say a special prayer around that time. I wish that I would have been able to give you a proper name, but since you are in Heaven, your name is the most appropriate.

I hope that you one day come back to me in spirit. I pray that you hold no anger or hatred of me. I only wish that I never would have caused you the pain that I did. I wish that I was able to make things right and have you here with me. I wish I would have been a stronger woman and a better mother.

I pray that one day I will be able to meet you - until then, I pray that you will come to me in my dreams. I have so many things that I would love to say to you, so many things that I need you to know and I wish I could say. I know you might not understand or believe me, but I have loved you from the moment I knew you existed and to this day, I love you so much more than anything or anyone.

May you find comfort in the arms of Jesus and you may you always fly high with the purest and most brilliant wings. I love you, baby girl.

Love always,
Mom           

You, like a small whisper, were a fleeting presence in my womb. God decided to take you with Him. I needed your short visit to remind me that life has value no matter how small, and that our Heavenly Father alone has the authority to decide on it.
You are with God today playing with your beloved sibling. Please take care of him and kiss him from me,
My heart is full of love for you both!   

Forgive me
for putting my own life before yours.
My cowardice to criticism was my excuse
to sacrifice your life and forever and ever
I will regret such a crime, you deserved
much more than being considered
a simple cluster of cells.
I know that today you are with God,
sheltered by his mantle and protected from all evil.
I love you, my little Angel... please forgive me!

Psalm 127
3. Behold sons are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.   

My precious little baby that I never got to hold or see. I pray that someday I will finally get to hold you in Heaven. I am so sorry I was not strong enough to withstand the pressure from your father. He was running for a political office and I was so in love with him that I thought my sacrifice of you would keep him in my life. How stupid I was and I have lived with the loss of you forever. My heart was broken when they took you from my body and I could not stop crying. I hope that you will forgive me and I know that you are safe in the arms of Jesus. You have a beautiful sister that I know you would love. The only peace I have is that your father was never blessed with another child. Rest In Peace my little angel.   

I will never forgive myself for letting you go little angel.
If only I could turn back time 😔
I would have never taken a tablet
If I had traveled or attended counseling before I was given a tablet to end my pregnancy, I would have you now.
I received that tablet very quickly after a conversation over phone due to Covid.
I wish I could turn back the time and have you with us now. My heart will be forever broken 💔 I never wanted this, I will live with hate till the day I die 😭😭😭😭 -)    

Darling, I'm sorry.

I didn't fully understand what you meant to me until I held your baby sister in my arms. Now she's growing, and happy, and living her life - just as you should have done.

I should have trusted my instinct and not given in to fear and self-doubt. I wanted you then and I want you now. But I can't have you - because I asked them to take you from me. I dreamed of you before I even knew you were there, I dreamed of you on the night I let you die, and I even dreamed about you last week.

Sometimes I'm going about my day and I remember that you should be here. The wound on my heart just keeps reopening.

You are loved, even though I wasn't strong enough or good enough to give you that love while you were here with me on Earth. I wish I had been stronger for you.

If God forgives me, I will see you again.    

Baby boy Gage Bennett April 1993-June 1993    

We are both so so so sorry that we had to let you go just know we both love you and miss you very very much and we will be together again soon our beautiful angel  

I knew the second I woke up that I had made a huge mistake. I know this doesn’t make up for the horrible pain I put you through but I’d like to ask you to forgive me if you can see this from heaven. After decades of thinking about you and praying for you, I have finally been healed from always feeling like a murderer. I’ve always felt loosing you and the miscarriages I’ve had, were like going to a funeral and I was the only one there.. I pray you don’t mind me putting some of our story out here in cyber space. I feel as though if we only save one child from going through what you and I did, this post will be worth it. I know that healing comes from Jesus and I know that being brave and opening up about what we’ve been through, we can give Hope to others. I love you baby Erin and I look forward to us rejoicing together in heaven some day.    

I’m sorry I acted without faith against you. I will see you and I love you and I’m excited to know your gifts.

Love,

Your Mommy 

I pray your original purpose manifests in front of me on earth and I meet you in Heaven. I love you.

In Him,

Mommy