Hey, baby boy, how are you up there?
It's been 7 years and it's not getting any easier. Sometimes I just cry because I miss you so much. I wish I had done things differently, I wish I were stronger. I tried to tell myself and many also told me, that I didn't have a choice but I did, didn't I? I will never know who you'd be like. You are the first and the last love of my life, Miles. There are just days when I just can't take it anymore. I will always, always, always love you and miss you. I wonder if the boy in my dream with the curly black hair and beautiful face that looked so happy running around the playground was you. I wanted to call you but I wasn't sure. When I woke, I realized, it was probably you. God finally heard my prayer, to see you in my dream, how very selfish of me to just ask for that but I am glad that I did. I miss you, I love you, forever and ever.
Your mum,
Hayley

My dear sweet baby boy, Paul. Forty-one years ago I deprived you of being the eldest son in the family and a much-needed older sibling to your brothers and sister. Something is not quite right about our family - I know why, but they don't know. I'm so sorry. I love you and I look forward to the day I can hold you in my arms and kiss your fine head. Please tell Jesus, thank you for saving my soul and acknowledging your spiritual presence in our lives. You were and are such a beautiful gift. Please pray for your dad, your brothers, your sister and your aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. Until we meet . . . may your time in heaven be filled with love, peace and joy.  

Mi bebé, ibas a nacer un 2 de junio pero un 5 de octubre nos separaron, aún no puedo perdonarme que nunca voy a verte, que nunca voy a encontrarte, nunca te veré crecer, lloro por ti cada día. Veo a tu hermano mayor y te veo a ti, el miedo sacó lo peor de mí y ya no puedo recuperarte. Nunca pienses que no te quiero, porque te amo mucho y me cuesta seguir adelante. Y recuerda: eres amado, hijo de Dios, eres importante y ya papá te tiene en sus brazos. Y algún día yo te abrazaré y te besaré. Siempre vas a estar en mi corazón  

Ibas a nacer un 2 de Junio pero te fuiste un 5 de octubre. Cada día echo de menos sentirte, imagino tus manos y cuando veo a tu hermano, Alejandro, imagino que te veo a ti también. Perdóname 😭 Eres lo más bello que Dios ha creado para mí junto con tu hermano mayor. Eres amado, hijo de Dios, eres importante y papá ya te tiene en sus brazos. Gracias y perdón por sacrificar tu vida.

To My Beautiful Baby Nevaeh,

Even though it has been over 5 years since your death, not a single day goes by that I do not think of you. I wonder what you would have looked like. I wonder what your personality would be like. I try to think when you would have been born and say a special prayer around that time. I wish that I would have been able to give you a proper name, but since you are in Heaven, your name is the most appropriate.

I hope that you one day come back to me in spirit. I pray that you hold no anger or hatred of me. I only wish that I never would have caused you the pain that I did. I wish that I was able to make things right and have you here with me. I wish I would have been a stronger woman and a better mother.

I pray that one day I will be able to meet you - until then, I pray that you will come to me in my dreams. I have so many things that I would love to say to you, so many things that I need you to know and I wish I could say. I know you might not understand or believe me, but I have loved you from the moment I knew you existed and to this day, I love you so much more than anything or anyone.

May you find comfort in the arms of Jesus and you may you always fly high with the purest and most brilliant wings. I love you, baby girl.

Love always,
Mom           

You, like a small whisper, were a fleeting presence in my womb. God decided to take you with Him. I needed your short visit to remind me that life has value no matter how small, and that our Heavenly Father alone has the authority to decide on it.
You are with God today playing with your beloved sibling. Please take care of him and kiss him from me,
My heart is full of love for you both!   

Forgive me
for putting my own life before yours.
My cowardice to criticism was my excuse
to sacrifice your life and forever and ever
I will regret such a crime, you deserved
much more than being considered
a simple cluster of cells.
I know that today you are with God,
sheltered by his mantle and protected from all evil.
I love you, my little Angel... please forgive me!

Psalm 127
3. Behold sons are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.   

My precious little baby that I never got to hold or see. I pray that someday I will finally get to hold you in Heaven. I am so sorry I was not strong enough to withstand the pressure from your father. He was running for a political office and I was so in love with him that I thought my sacrifice of you would keep him in my life. How stupid I was and I have lived with the loss of you forever. My heart was broken when they took you from my body and I could not stop crying. I hope that you will forgive me and I know that you are safe in the arms of Jesus. You have a beautiful sister that I know you would love. The only peace I have is that your father was never blessed with another child. Rest In Peace my little angel.   

I will never forgive myself for letting you go little angel.
If only I could turn back time 😔
I would have never taken a tablet
If I had traveled or attended counseling before I was given a tablet to end my pregnancy, I would have you now.
I received that tablet very quickly after a conversation over phone due to Covid.
I wish I could turn back the time and have you with us now. My heart will be forever broken 💔 I never wanted this, I will live with hate till the day I die 😭😭😭😭 -)    

Darling, I'm sorry.

I didn't fully understand what you meant to me until I held your baby sister in my arms. Now she's growing, and happy, and living her life - just as you should have done.

I should have trusted my instinct and not given in to fear and self-doubt. I wanted you then and I want you now. But I can't have you - because I asked them to take you from me. I dreamed of you before I even knew you were there, I dreamed of you on the night I let you die, and I even dreamed about you last week.

Sometimes I'm going about my day and I remember that you should be here. The wound on my heart just keeps reopening.

You are loved, even though I wasn't strong enough or good enough to give you that love while you were here with me on Earth. I wish I had been stronger for you.

If God forgives me, I will see you again.    

Baby boy Gage Bennett April 1993-June 1993    

We are both so so so sorry that we had to let you go just know we both love you and miss you very very much and we will be together again soon our beautiful angel  

I knew the second I woke up that I had made a huge mistake. I know this doesn’t make up for the horrible pain I put you through but I’d like to ask you to forgive me if you can see this from heaven. After decades of thinking about you and praying for you, I have finally been healed from always feeling like a murderer. I’ve always felt loosing you and the miscarriages I’ve had, were like going to a funeral and I was the only one there.. I pray you don’t mind me putting some of our story out here in cyber space. I feel as though if we only save one child from going through what you and I did, this post will be worth it. I know that healing comes from Jesus and I know that being brave and opening up about what we’ve been through, we can give Hope to others. I love you baby Erin and I look forward to us rejoicing together in heaven some day.    

I’m sorry I acted without faith against you. I will see you and I love you and I’m excited to know your gifts.

Love,

Your Mommy 

I pray your original purpose manifests in front of me on earth and I meet you in Heaven. I love you.

In Him,

Mommy 

Dearest first child,

I am so sorry that I was not the man then that I am now. I did not know what to do, living in another country and your mom not ready to be a mom yet. I am sorry that you did not have the chance to come into this world and make it a better place. I am now a child of God, but the pain in my heart for you just won't go away. I know that I will see you in heaven but oh how much I missed out on having you here with me now. I love you and when I see you in the next world my tears will finally be wiped away.

Your Dad  

I was 16. Where I own the horrific act, between my parent and boyfriend… abandonment was my fear. On the table I cried and tried to sit up and the nurse made me lie back down.
I screamed for weeks for you. And now I forever mourn the loss of your precious life. I am a woman of faith but do not tell myself I will have the gift of ever seeing you as I do not deserve this. You have brothers and a sister and we are all deprived of the beauty of you and all we’ve missed in your absence. To say I am sorry falls so short it sickens me. Every March I begin to become increasingly depressed and it took years to fully realize that was what was occurring. My soul and spirit and heart cry out for you. I don’t know if you were a boy or a girl. If a girl I choose the name Sarah and if a boy, Samuel, but I lost that right didn’t I? I am so sad I never got to hold you or kiss you and tell you how much I love you. I love you now and throughout eternity.    

I wish I had the courage to have had my daughter Sarah when I was younger, but I chose a different story for our lives. I was lost and could not raise a child in a one-parent home by myself. If only I had the courage to be strong, but without God and Jesus in my life, it was impossible for me to see through that dark time and those hard years of my life. Now that I am old with gray hair, my little baby Sarah would be 40 this year if she was alive. I regret the decision I made so many years ago. It has haunted me for so many years of mental torture of committing such a crime against God and humanity by aborting my unborn child nearly four decades ago. I love my unborn child Sarah, and I wish I could turn the hands of time back to change my decision, but it is impossible for me to do that now. Not only did I have one abortion, but two abortions one year after the other, and I never really knew if I was pregnant. I went to the abortion clinic instead of the medical doctor because I was afraid to face the truth of being pregnant again within a year of my first abortion, so I had a second abortion within a year of the first abortion. I do regret folding to the pressure of not wanting my babies to ruin my life at that time. As I look back, I know the truth now, and I genuinely regret those two wrong decisions that I made when I was younger. I have come to a place where it is time to speak out about the lies that the pro-choice movement wants women to hear, not the absolute truth that life is precious to all of us. I love and miss my two unborn babies because they would have been the joy of my life.          

--1976--
I never held you or kissed you or played with you...
We never sang or danced or laughed together...
I have missed you my entire life.
Pray for your mother and me, little one.

My dear baby- I am so sorry I hurt you. I am so so sorry. I cry writing this. I cry thinking of you. I love you now and forever. This was not my choice. I am so so sorry, I look forward to meeting you in heaven. You would have been the greatest blessing to this world. I pray for you I pray you rest easy I am so sorry. I will never forget you. I will fight to protect others like you. Rest easy, my love.
    

Hi Matthew

I hope you are happy and safe with God. You will always be my angel baby that I was pressured to abort to make your dad happy and try to “save the relationship”. There was no relationship after this. Abortion changes you and I hated him for what he did. I stayed with him because he promised me another baby to replace you. He lied about that too and he broke up with me out of the blue. He said he wasn’t but I really feel like he was either cheating or dumped me for someone else. It was long distance so I would never know. That broke me.

I now realize it was a blessing God made me let that person go. They were toxic and they bullied me to end your life. I couldn’t love or trust that person after that.

I easily think about you every day and wish I had been stronger and made different choices. I also wish my home life had been better, that I had more resources. Your dad might have tried but wasn’t in anyway ready to parent. I knew that. He only cared about himself. You would have been dealt a bad hand in life. I couldn’t bare that. I knew what it was like not to have a father. It hurts.

Well I showed him! 17 years later I met up with him and he is still being a single loser. He didn’t say much, but what could he possibly say. He said he had regrets.
I told his parents and some of his friends what happened so they can know you existed. So his secret didn’t stay a secret! I hope he can be a good person. But I’ll never know.

But if he wasn’t going to be in my life, then why did I give my baby up for him? That’s a horrible feeling! I wish I had kept you. I was dumb and naïve.

My ex took my baby away from me and while God has helped me forgive, I will never forget how he treated me. He abused me when I was pregnant and after. I didn’t see it at the time but I was lucky he let me go. I didn’t deserve a lifetime of pain at his hands. And if he would treat me like that what would he have done to an innocent baby???