Dear BJ,
So many years ago I did something that made it look like I didn't want you and didn't love you. But the truth is I did want you, and I did love you. I was just too scared to stand up for you, and I have regretted my choice ever since that awful day. If I could turn back the clock, I would. If I could go back and make a different decision, I would. But I couldn't and I had to find a way to live with the reality of what I did. When I think about the pain and the fear you experienced, it tears me up inside. You were safe and content in a place where you should have been protected. But I allowed someone to invade and violate that place and take your life. That's a memory that will be with me for the rest of my life. I am so grateful that you went to be with Jesus and have been safe in His loving arms since then. Losing you changed the course of my life forever. A hole was ripped in my heart that day at the clinic. Even though I have healed, a part of me is missing. There is an indescribable ache and longing for you, BJ. The baby I never got to carry. The child I never got to hold. The person I never got to know. I miss you so much, and I think of you every day. You are my only child, and I will always hold you close in my heart. I look forward to the day that I can finally hold you in my arms and we can spend eternity with our loving and merciful Savior.
Your mom loves you BJ. Always and forever.

In memory of Benjamin James. Gone too soon. February 24, 1984.  

I will Love you always and forever!!     

I will Love you for Always and Forever!    

50 years ago, my then-girlfriend, K, and I, without a second-thought, destroyed our child by abortion. K cried right after, but we never mentioned the matter to each other again. It was like it never happened. (I never asked her how she felt about the murder we committed.)
I look back on that time in horror now with great regret and deep shame at my stupidity, immaturity, cowardice, heartlessness and total lack of responsibility and accountability.
We didn't stop to learn the sex of the child or even bother to choose a name for him/her.
K eventually married someone else and had two children, a boy and a girl.
I floundered through three marriages and never had children.
My third marriage ended when my wife, T, died of cancer.
Somehow, God, in His infinite Grace and Mercy, found a way to bless me, anyway.
T had four daughters, two of whom have children. One of the daughters, A, lived with T and me in our home for several years. She and her husband had a beautiful little girl, C, born to them in 2017. C is the light of my life. Thanks and praise be to God Almighty, the Author of Life and our Merciful Father.
(What name would I choose for our baby, if I had a chance? Maybe, Charity or Grace, for a girl, in honor of and appreciation for God's Charity and Grace toward me; Rex or Leo, for a boy, in honor of Christ, The King of the universe; Leo, the Lion of Judah from the Apocalypse. Maybe Charity Grace or Rex Leo.)
God bless you, 50-year-old child. Pray for us, especially, our salvation. Amen.

1.We never knew if you were a boy or girl. Stillborn when they thought you were ok. 2. Born, but had to have 5 surgeries and they thought to themselves that he should have assisted death. RIP David and Sam                    

In Loving Memory of my daughter
Elora Mei Yin.
Taken from my womb: December 11, 2001
A poem: “Sky Bird”
You were there,
a soft dream deep in the cloud.
Filled in as a tiny dream,
a window of sleep smoothed out.
A view of you like a picture window,
held you in a fixture of time.
Cloud window swirling with gentleness
near you, softly caressing your small face.
Hidden behind a silk screen with
dainty sewn peonies, I dreamt of you.
Almond tea eyes,
curious and kind.
Heart felt hands held a fan, your hair flowing, pinned up
with ribbons and pearls.
Ribbons fluttering as blue birds in a nest.
Hands hidden in your long silk sleeves
Blue as the sky.
Home in heaven, soft hues filling the folds
of the untolds.
Dreaming of you dancing innocently
beyond the blue,
perching above singing of love.
Written by: Grace Gurung

My dear beloved children, I carry you in my heart and mourn your loss. I long for the day that we can embrace in the heavenly kingdom. I entrust you to the care of Our Blessed Mother and ask that she keep you close to her Immaculate Heart.

Your sorrowful momma and with much love, Mary Jeanne 

You would have been 15 this year. I still haven’t forgotten and think of what you would be like today. You have a 11-year old sister named Lacey now. I always used to think of you when I heard this Bible verse (and I’m not even a religious person) but I know your strength was renewed and you are strong and healthy now. I will love you for always and I know we will meet again!

Love ,
Mom

Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

 

Jack, our precious boy,

From the moment I knew you were with me, I felt you. You weren’t just a possibility—you were real, a part of me, a part of us. I remember how my heart swelled with something so deep, so instinctual—a love I didn’t fully understand until it was too late. You were there, and I knew it.

Our choice to let you go was never because we didn’t want you. We wanted you more than words can ever express. But in a moment clouded by fear, confusion, and a lack of communication, we made a decision that has shattered us both. If only we had spoken more openly, if only we had allowed love to speak louder than fear, you would still be here.

Your father loves you just as much as I do. Not a day passes that he doesn’t regret our decision, that he doesn’t wish he had fought harder, spoken louder, done something—anything—to change that moment. He carries the weight of your absence just as deeply as I do, and together, we grieve the life that could have been. You were, and always will be, our son.

We imagine what it would have been like to hold you, to feel your tiny fingers wrap around ours, to see you looking up at us with trust and love. We ache for the moments we will never have—your first smile, your first steps, the sound of your laughter filling our home. Those moments were stolen not just from you, but from us, and the loss is something we will carry forever.

But in our pain, we cling to the only hope we have—the promise of eternity. Jack, we know that you are in the arms of Jesus, cradled in a love far greater than even ours could have been. We believe with all our hearts that one day, we will see you again. One day, we will hold you, kiss your sweet face, and finally feel the warmth of your little fingers wrapped around ours, just as we’ve longed for since the day we lost you.

And every day that passes, there is nothing we long for more.

Until that glorious day, we will carry you in our hearts, loving you with a love that death cannot erase. You are our son. You are our greatest sorrow, but also our greatest hope. Until we meet again, our sweet Jack.

Forever loved, forever missed, but never truly gone.
We love you forever baby boy
Mommy & Daddy
   

Baby,

I wish I could have had you. Your dad didn’t even know you existed. He didn’t love me and wanted his freedom. Weeks after we ended things, I found out about you, and by then he was dating Melissa. I was also seeing someone else, but I wanted to keep you, and was keeping you a secret until I could tell him. We once talked about pregnancy and he said abortion was the best choice because it wouldn’t be fair to raise a poor child.

Well at about 8 weeks into this pregnancy, I started bleeding. I took a cab from Saugeen to University hospital and I was told there that I miscarried. They took me into a procedure room and did a D & C. I was awake and cried the whole time. No one knew what happened to me, and I went back to residence and school like nothing happened. My ex never even knew. He broke my heart, got me pregnant, dated my “friend”. I was heartbroken. That’s why I hardly spoke in history tutorial, and ended up working and drinking a lot at the bars. A few months later I got pregnant again by the new guy I was seeing but when I told him, he forced me to abort, which was my worst nightmare (and what I thought Ken would make me do).

Anyway - I lost a child I desperately wanted, and the second taken away from me. I’m sorry Cole. I don’t know if your dad would have wanted you, but I did. I just think he had big plans for his life and we weren’t going to fit into them.

I will see you one day- I promise..
Sam    

To my sweet baby Amayah Grace I am sorry that I wasn't strong enough to choose your life. I live with the regret daily and I wish I could go back and choose no. I know that you are in heaven rejoicing and that makes my heart happy. I love you very much and I can't wait till we are together again.     

My beautiful Angel Baby,
You were so wanted by your Dad and I but, it just wasn't meant to be. We think of you so often, especially at the holidays. We can't wait to be reunited with you in Heaven. Till then, we know that you are in Jesus' arms and are very much loved by your grand-parents that are in Heaven.     

To my sweet Angel in Heaven,
Even though I don't know if you were a boy or girl, I will always remember you. You will never be forgotten by me or your little brother. Just please remember that I always wanted you and regret giving you up. I know you are in Heaven with Jesus and that we will be reunited one day. I can't wait to hold you and tell you that I love you so very much. I pray that you are with your sister/brother and grandparents. I am so anxious to meet you and tell you how much I love you.
God bless you my little Angel.        

My first grand baby,
It’s your Mimi. I never got to see your little face, hold you, or take you to the park. I never got the opportunity to give you the love of a grandmother, like my grandma did. The pregnancy was unexpected, and so was I when I was conceived, but you were not!

If I could have saved you from an abortion that was hidden from me, I would have. Please forgive the cruel world and laws that created a right to kill you, innocent in your mother’s womb. I’ve cried everyday since hearing of your death: I love you child. I’m sorry.
-Your Mimi    

I am sorry for not being courageous, not choosing to give you life, to know you and to hold you. I hope you forgive me. I love you - Your Mom

My dearest little baby boy. I'm so sorry I let you go. I didn't know I had rights. I didn't know that I could have made the decision to keep you. I wanted you. Please know that. I wanted you so much. I regret ever letting you go. I often think about you, and I wonder what you would have looked like. I wonder what color eyes you would have had, and what color your hair would have been. I knew you were a boy.. I could just tell. My heart is broken, because I never got the chance to see your smiling face. But I will when I get to heaven. I can't wait to hug you, my son. I know Jesus has you in the palm of His hand. Rest in His love, until we meet in paradise. I love you, my dear Michael. I love you so much.

Your mother        

Your father passed away before you. He was devastated your mother was ending your life before it began. We begged to be able to raise you, but she would not have it. Your life ended January of 1988. You are loved and never forgotten.      

We never held you, but we both loved you  

I’m responsible for paying for your termination by abortion. I deeply regret this. I wanted to marry your mother and support her and you. However, your mother’s parents didn’t want me as a son-in-law. They told your mother to inform me that the abortion would be paid by me. I was 18 years old and your mother was 17 years old. I’m always reminded of this when I see poor confused mothers going into the abortuary.

No one was there in 1974 to dissuade your mother from going in to have you destroyed. That’s why we stand outside these places and pray. We want people to know there are much better choices.  

Querida hija. Espero cada dia el momento en que te pueda abrazar.
Cambiaste mi vida y tu vida no ha sido en vano. Te amo y atesoro tu recuerdo con todo mi corazon. Dios ha traido paz a mi corazon, pero siempre te extranare, hasta el dia en que me encuentre con Dios y contigo. Mi preciosa princesa, mama te ama profundamente. Gracias por tu amor. Te amo muchisimo. Siempre. Tus hermanos saben de ti. Un dia estaremos todos juntos.   

"Emoni" means "Faith"... which is what I had in GOD... Faith that him keeping you as his angel was the right thing. Such a beautiful flower to compliment his growing garden you were. I miss you everyday baby girl. Mommy loved you then, I love you now, and I'll love you always!