I miss you more than you’ll know

Two years apart, two beautiful angels. I selfishly ended their lives, denying them the joy of life on Earth. What potential did I erase when I pridefully took my life into my own hands and took God out of it? Who was I to throw away these precious gifts from God without a thought or care about them? I just wanted my life back. I wanted my future at all costs, even if it meant denying you yours. And now here I am 30+ years later and wonder who you would have become. Were you boys or girls? What you would have done with your precious lives, had I not selfishly snuffed them out? I am a mother filled with regret. I know you are in Heaven, and I pray you have forgiven me and will let me love you when we meet again. I am so very sorry and so broken by my actions, I know God has forgiven me, but how can I ever forgive myself? Rest in Paradise, sweet angels.   

Our first child that was never given a chance at life.
We will meet one day.
Love Mom    

I am so sorry, my baby. Please forgive me until we can be together again. I have been unable fo forgive myself for the past 39 years.    

My daughter aborted when she was 9 weeks. I was not in agreement, but it's her choice. I regret every single day not being persistent about keeping her baby. I grieve in silence, and this little baby will be with me always.  

There are 3 of my little ones in Heaven. You were the last. And with your end I vowed to God I would never have another abortion again, and I didn't. I love you, and I am so sorry. There was much pain and shame, and I live with regrets. But you are in the presence of my Lord and Savior, where there is no pain, no tears. I know God has forgiven me, and I am healed and will pay tribute to you and your other 2 siblings by helping other young women to not do what I did. Until we meet one day, your mom 

I am so sorry! I know you are with your siblings up in heaven. I needed to let you know that you will never be forgotten, and how I so regret the decision I made so long ago to end your life. It was not right then, and it's not right now, but now I have Jesus. I have repented of this terrible sin, and I know He has forgiven me, and I am healed. I am now helping other women to not do what I did. I love you always, and I know you shed no tears in Heaven! Until we meet little one.... 

I love you. I am so sorry I ended your life in my ignorance. I was without real faith then. Forgive me, little one. I know I will meet you in Heaven. I have repented. I am helping others to not do what I did to you. God has healed me from the guilt and shame, but I will never forget you or condone what I did. God has forgiven me, and I know you are in His Glorious Presence. Until we meet I love you! 

I often wonder whether you were a little boy or girl. I never found out. It wouldn't have made a difference, really - my heart has never healed, nor have I ever recovered from the trauma, guilt, anguish, and disappointment that I did not stand up for myself and refuse the abortion. I was only 17 and not given a choice. My parent's could not deal with the humiliation and loss of respect for the family. I felt so guilty that I had disappointed them, so I went along with their choices. I was told to have the abortion, and then we were to become engaged asap. But first, as punishment, we had to pay for the procedure. That was 49 years ago, and to this day I am still suffering. I so wish that I had given birth to you. I am so very sorry that you were deprived of the chance to live in this world and forge your own path and make your own choices. I doubt that I will ever be at peace because of the way your life was taken away. I fervently hope and trust that you are now in God's loving arms and that my deceased Mother, Father and relatives are also beside you comforting you, finally....please forgive me, forgive them and know that my greatest wish is to one day be reunited with you and finally be able to rest in peace. I did not get to know you or hold you but I have always loved you!     

My baby, Sam. You were loved from the moment I knew you were there. But I was not ready to hold you in my arms. As God now holds you in His, I will forever hold you in my heart. I know your Grandmother will take care of you and one day we will be together. I love you always xxx 

I wanted to carry you so much, I made you a promise to protect you, and I failed. I have forgiven, through the help of our Lord, all the lies. To forgive the doctor who said you where not even a baby yet at 12 weeks! I forgive my mother and father for not listing to how much you mattered to me. I begged to let me move away have you and give you to a family that would love you. No pleading or begging worked...and for that I am so sorry. But since your murder I have not stopped giving you a voice, through me! I tell our story to anyone who will listen, in hopes that they choose life! I was only 15 then, but your life made me strong, strong enough to fight for all the unborn! So your life yet brief made such a huge impact, but I can tell you all about it when we meet. Oh, what a glorious day that will be for this mamma, who carried you in my womb only a short time, but in my heart for 34 years now.....and will until I come home to be with you. Jesus heals, He forgave me even though I did not deserve it, and eventually He taught me to forgive myself! I love you Celeste, to the moon and back. You already know the amazing platforms that the Lord has given to speak out for you and change just one mother's mind. I wish I had the same chance I had with your brothers and sisters, to show you how much you are loved. What would you have become? Would you have children by now? I have never felt complete, no matter how many babies came, because none of them where you! I loved them all as much, but you can't replace a lost child. The true betrayal came the day I saw your baby sister's ultrasound at about 12 weeks. The same age you were, and she was a BABY! Not a clump of cells. The day she was born, I looked in her eyes, and it really sank in, the gravity of what had indeed happened to you. I miss you everyday, and I pray I can make a difference in your name Jesus.      

To my courageous baby:

I believe we are all sent here with our goals & missions to achieve. You, clever child, you chose the most difficult of all scenarios. Either way we wanted you to know you were successful in your goal. Daddy and I are so proud of you, to be so brave to pick this family. We were honored & unworthy. You should know your brother holds a special place for you in his heart. Even though he lacked the words, his feelings were very apparent. I'm so sorry we didn't get more time together. Whispering my gratitude as I felt you leave, somehow I knew you were not alone. Nana would always love you, in this world and the next, for all time. You are the inspiration for this family to succeed in our mission here on Earth. Until we see you again just know Mommo & Daddo love you so very much & you are forever in our hearts.  

My beloved angels, thank you for the amazing gift of you! I love you! By God's divine love, and mercy, I was blessed to be able to spiritually baptize you. Thank you Lord for providing me healing. I'm eternally grateful for your love, mercy, and forgiveness! I have experienced your undying love for me and for my heavenly children and I look forward to the day when I get to meet you, and them, face to face, in your divine light!

A broken mother's heart has been restored by Divine Mercy! Thank you Lord for taking pity on me, a sinner.     

I gave birth to my first child on March 5, 2018. Her Name is Olivia Morris.
I should have given birth to my second child in November of 2019, a due date of the 5th, but that never happened. The reason is because I aborted my second child.
I am a Christian, but for the first time ever I thought about abortion. I knew if I did it that I would be okay and that I could take care of my daughter, but I never thought about the consequences of how I would feel afterwords.
I aborted my second child, a daughter that I have named Violet, on March 30, 2019, She was 8 weeks old. Taking her out of me took less than 10 minutes. I killed my baby is what I did. I walked in and killed it, and they let me legally do it.
I love my first born, I never thought of aborting her, and I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without her. But sadly my second child was thought of in a different way. Why?
The abortion clinic that this happened at is only five miles from me. I had no idea we had one until I looked for one. Since my abortion I have stopped at it a few times, just looking at the building, wishing I never walked inside. I try not to cry, but it happens.
I pray that one day that abortion will never be an option. It feels like an easy way out, but it isn't. March 30th and November 5th will be days that I never forget.

I conceived you on August 31, 2018. You had a five year old brother and an 18 month old sister, and both of them would have been ready for you, but I felt like I had my hands full. I felt like I could not give you what you needed or what you wanted, and I felt like your siblings would be punished in some way. I knew I loved you, but I had a part of me that said that I should wait before I had a third.
My mother told me that it was best on not having you, and I agreed. I did try and fight for you, but even I knew that I should not have you. It was me who made the decision, and I am the only one to blame.
October 20, 2018 was the day I planned on removing you, but a good friend of mine found herself in the hospital, and she needed me. I was so grateful that I did not remove you, but I still told myself that I couldn't have you. I truly believe that God was telling me that I should keep you, that I should love you and protect you, but I did not listen.
I aborted you on Tuesday October 30, 2018. You were in me for 8 weeks and 4 days but your gestational age was 10 weeks 5 days. I was awake when you were taken out of me, and the very moment when you were suctioned out of my body is when I knew I made the wrong decision. I felt you leave me, and I died inside because of it. I knew at that moment that I could have taken care of you and given you a wonderful life, but instead I tossed you out like you were nothing.
The next day was Halloween, and I could see you in every child's face. I cried on the inside that afternoon, and I cried tears that night when I was alone.
You would be seven months old now. Your brother is now seven and your sister is almost three. They will never know you, and I will never know you, but we would have taken such good care of you.
I promise you that I will never forget you. I have given you a birthday of May 25th, and I will never forget you or the date I should have had you in my arms.
I am sorry.

Mommy Loves You So Much, And I Miss You. You are My motivation to be better and remain humble and strive to obtain all my goals💕  

Mama misses you always. I love you more than anything. Your dad also loves you. I will come soon and be with you forever. My only wish is to hold you at least one time. I always wonder if you looked like me or daddy. I love your dad because he gave me you . i miss u, i love u .. Gabi ..ummah.    

My sweet precious butterfly, for years it has been your smile
I have longed to see; longing to hold you close in my arms
With your innocent eyes gazing up at me.

My sweet precious butterfly, no words could ever express
the tearing pain that has gripped my heart,
the remorse I have felt with every breath.

Praise be to Jesus, you were set free.
Free to soar through the blue skies of heaven,
through fields of sweet roses and flowers that gleam.

As the face of God shines upon you, I know you are at rest.
With his loving arms around you, holding you to his chest.

Praise be to Jesus, the pain and longing are over.
No longer will I hold on to you, trying to keep you near,
for all has been washed away, all my pain and fears.

I know now with sweet assurance that one day, for the first time
(and what a time it will be),
I will see your smiling face as I hold you in my arms
with those innocent eyes gazing up at me.

I love you my precious butterfly.
Go now, fly and be free.

By Jami   

Sweet baby Harper, I was only able to carry you for a short month, then God had other plans for you, as I lost you in July 1996. I wanted you to know after all these years that we haven’t forgotten. You have two little brothers born in 1998 & 2000. We love and will never forget that you would have been our first child. I will see you again someday in Heaven. Love Mom, Dad, Brian, and Brett  

My dearest children, I need and want you all to know how much I love you. I am so extremely sorry and regretful for allowing your lives to be ended before you even had a chance. The one place and the one person that should have kept you safe failed you. Through the Grace of God our creator, He has forgiven me and has taken care of the three of you in His glorious kingdom. I pray and hope I get to hold you all in my arms....all at the same time. I will shower you with love and kisses and hugs. I know you are all doing great things for our Lord. I know you have watched over your brother and sister here on earth with God's help. I know you are showering Grandma and Grandpa with all your love. Until I am blessed to meet you I will leave this for you now. I am your mommy and I love you with every cell that created me. I have not and never will forget you.    

To my sweet baby... mommy is so sorry. I love you forever. I thank the Lord that He gave me the chance to hold you before I gave you back. I know you heard my last words before you were taken from me. I wanted you. You were mine. I will see you in heaven, my precious baby.